


Online Blues

by PlacentaMilk



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Are his fault, Happy times, Levi believes all the deaths in the past life, Levi has nightmares, M/M, Naked bird man, Past Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager, So yeah, This has allot of texting in it, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-05-24 03:00:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 13,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6139028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlacentaMilk/pseuds/PlacentaMilk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Are you sure you want to delete your account?</p>
<p>Yes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. sent 11:24 pm

_You’re now connected to “HS”. Start talking!_

_Hi. (sent 11:24 pm)_

**_Hello. (sent 11:24 pm)_ **

_**You came on this site to talk, right? So talk. (sent 11:26 pm)** _

_Idk. I’ve… Im done. (sent 11:27 pm)_

**_What do you mean by that? (sent 11:27 pm)_ **

_Im done disappointing people. Im done dealing with people. Im done. (sent 11:27 pm)_

**_Yet you’re here. (sent 11:27 pm)_ **

_I don’t want to hurt people.. (sent 11:28 pm)_

**_Do you want to talk about it? (sent 11:28 pm)_ **

_Isn’t that why I’m here? (sent 11:29 pm)_

**_I don’t know, are you? Some people come here to rant, some people come here to do small talk and get their mind off things. (sent 11:29 pm)_ **

_Just… I haven’t made my mind up yet. (sent 11:29 pm)_

**_That’s okay. Let’s just talk, then. What’s your favorite show? (sent 11:29 pm)_ **

_The Walking Dead, though I haven’t watched the past season. I need to catch up. (sent 11:29 pm)_

**_I’ve been meaning to watch that show. I don’t watch TV much. (sent 11:30 pm)_ **

I _t’s a great show. Why the username HS? Are you part of the 1D fandom? (sent 11:30 pm)_

**_Ha ha. No. It stands for Humanity’s Strongest. (sent 11:30 pm)_ **

_Oh. It seems familiar, is it from somewhere? (sent 11:30 pm)_

_**No. (sent 11:30 pm)** _

_Earlier today, I was at work and I tend to forget things, and I’m clumsy so choosing to work at a flower shop was probably the worst choice. (sent 11:32 pm)_

_I was taking this bucket of brown roses out of the cooler because it’s autumn and somebody wanted an arrangement. I tripped on nothing and the roses went all over the floor, and then I got called to the very back so I was like “I’ll pick them up and clean up when I come back.” (sent 11:32 pm)_

_My boss asked me if I turned down this one order because we couldn’t do it and I totally forgot to, so one of my co-workers confirmed it thinking it was a regular order. So I got yelled at, and when I came back out I had forgotten about the flowers. I slipped on the water that came out of the bucket and crushed all the roses, so I couldn’t even do the arrangement, and I got sent home early. (sent 11:33 pm)_

_**Damn. (sent 11:33 pm)** _

_I mean it’s such a little thing but I’m so upset over it and it makes me even more upset that I’m upset over such a little thing. Like I dropped a glass before we connected and I almost cried. Im pathetic. (sent 11:33 pm)_

**_You’re not. I have my moments too. (sent 11:33 pm)_ **

_You’re just saying that. (sent 11:34 pm)_

_Besides, with me, it’s all the time. My roommate says I’m a big crybaby, and he’s right. (sent 11:34 pm)_

**_Im not, and he’s not right. You’re just like that and that’s fine. (sent 11:34 pm)_ **

_Okay.. what time is it where you are? (sent 11:35 pm)_

**_11:35 pm. (sent 11:35 pm)_ **

_Shouldn’t you be in bed? Why are you on this site? (sent 11:35 pm)_

**_I get bad nightmares so I don’t sleep. And people need help, so. What time is it where you are? (sent 11:35 pm)_ **

_11:35 pm. What do you get nightmares about? (sent 11:35 pm)_

_**I never remember. Shouldn’t you be in bed? (sent 11:36 pm)** _

_Are you mocking me? (sent 11:36 pm)_

**_No. (sent 11:36 pm)_ **

_I can just taste the sarcasm. I should be in bed, and I am but I don’t know. I know I won’t go to sleep for atleast awhile. (sent 11:36 pm)_

**_Well I’m here if you want me to be. (sent 11:36 pm)_ **

_I don’t want to be alone, so yeah. (sent 11:36 pm)_

**_Okay. What’s your favorite movie genre? (sent 11:36)_ **

_Horror. (sent 11:36 pm)_

_Then Action and Romance. You? (sent 11:37 pm)_

**_Horror and Action. There's never any good horror movies though. (sent 11:37 pm)_ **

_Right? I’ve been wanting to see that one where the grandma asks the kid to get in the stove to clean it though. (sent 11:37 pm)_

**_It looks tacky, I don't know. I have Netflix, wanna watch it? (sent 11:37 pm)_ **

_How would that work? (sent 11:37 pm)_

**_There’s a site called showgoers or something. You have to download it for chrome though. We can just talk if you want to. (sent 11:37 pm)_ **

_I don’t know what we would talk about, so I guess we can watch Netflix. Let me go download the thing. Brb. (sent 11:37 pm)_

**_Same. (sent 11:37 pm)_ **


	2. Naked Bird Man

_You got a new message from “Blue”!_

_Is this the person I talked to last night? We watched Netflix and I fell asleep on you by accident? (sent 5:13 pm)_

_Please tell me it’s you. (sent 5:13 pm)_

_**It’s me. What’s wrong? (sent 5:13 pm)** _

_Thank Maria, you’re not busy, are you? I really need someone. (sent 5:13 pm)_

_**Of course not. What happened? (sent 5:13 pm)** _

_I jusy came hoem and I (sent 5:14 pm)_

_I cnat eveb see my jwyborad irhgt now I’m. Sorrty. (sent 5:14 pm)_

_**Alright, listen to me. Calm down, okay? You don’t have to tell me. (sent 5:14 pm)** _

_**Do you have a phone? I can call you if texting is too hard. (sent 5:15 pm)** _

_202-555-0106 (sent 5:15 pm)_

Levi calls the number and waits for Blue to pick up.

Blue picks up after three seconds and Levi hears them sniffling. “Blue?”

All he gets is a whimper but he assumes that’s good enough. “Can you tell me what happened, or do you just want me to talk?” Levi asks, closes his laptop and focuses on Blue.

It takes a minute, and there's a point when Levi can hear Blue holding the phone away from their face, but he eventually gets “You.”

“Okay. That’s fine. Let’s see, I’ll tell a story.

I remember one time as a little kid, my mom used to work in Walmart, she worked in the Mc Donald’s they had there. So after school I would always hang out there, since I had nowhere to go. I would always be in the gaming section and be playing the Nintendo since it was new and cool and they had the little display thing.

One day, Im there and I’m playing Mario because I was a boss at that game and this older kid comes up to me, and he’s like, ‘Hey, little kid, what's your name?’ and I tell him my name and he says ‘Well your mom is looking for you’ and I’m just like oh okay thanks. So, I go to the Mc Donald’s part of the section and my mom is just like ‘…Why’ and I’m all confused and I ask if she was looking for me and she goes ‘what the hell no’ and so I say okay and go all the way back to the gaming section and the little asshole is there, playing the Nintendo.” Levi finishes off, staring at his wall, smiling a bit. It’s good memories.

When he gets no response from Blue, he continues. “There was also this time where I uh,” Levi pauses to chuckle because it’s funny “This happened recently actually. So I was taking a hot shower because I love hot showers but it was getting stuffy, you know? So I open up the window in my bathroom and go back to taking my shower. All the sudden this fucking bird comes in and starts screeching and knocking shit over. Out of shock I, naturally, stepped back and slip on a shampoo bottle, and smack face first into the warm bathtub floor.”

That gets a small laugh out of Blue. “While I regained consciousness, this fucking bird continues to screech and wreck havoc on my bathroom. It’s now like, thirty seconds into the ordeal and it’s starting to hurt itself from ramming into things. It gives up and lands on the counter, bewildered, all puffed up, still screeching, so I get up and get out, walk over to the counter ass naked. The bird just stares at me, yelling, so I have to yell over it to say that there is no fucking way that I’m touching him, and that he should just fly out of the window. He does not understand, so I’m left with no choice.

I grab the asshole bird with my towel and carry it outside. Still naked. I get outside and decide I need to walk at least a few feet away from my door so it won’t try to fly back in. As I step out there, my always absent neighbors choose a wonderful time to pull up in their drive way which is right next to mine. So here I am, naked, with a towel in my hands, not around me and I’m in my driveway.

I release the towel so the bird can escape so my neighbors can understand what happened, and as I release the towel, the bird falls lifeless to the floor.”

Blue starts cackling, loud and bright laughter, and it makes Levi smile because that means he did good. “That’s horrible, im going to cry” Blue wheezes out, laughing.

“It is horrible!” Levi agrees, laughing himself.

After a few moments, both of them calm and Levi decides to ask, “Are you okay now?”

Blue sighs on the other end of the line and says “Yeah. Thank you.”

“Anytime, don’t mention it. Do you want to talk about it?” Levi asks and stares out his window, looks at the sky changing colors. “…I got home from work and my roommate was kissing my friend and told me I deserve that.” Blue says.

“Why does that affect you?” Levi asks. “Because my roommate is my boyfriend. Well… Ex now.” Blue says, quietly. “Oh. Well, he’s a douchebag. He doesn't deserve you.” Levi says and Blue just hums in agreement.

“Can you tell me more stories?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonus points to anyone who can tell me where the mc. donalds story came from.


	3. Jail Bait

_What do you do? (sent 12:01 pm)_

**_What do you mean? (sent 12:14 pm)_ **

_Well you live in a house, im assuming, and you spend all your time trying to netflix and chill with minors. (sent 12:14 pm)_

_Do you work? How do you live in a house if you don’t? What about roommates? (sent 12:14 pm)_

_**Awfully nosy, aren’t you? And you’re a minor? Damn, I guess I can’t Netflix and chill anymore. Your new name is jail bait :/ (sent 12:14 pm)** _

_Nooo ): I was just kidding. But seriously, tell me about yourself. (sent 12:14 pm)_

_**Uh, okay. Im secretly the dark lord, Satan. I live in an apartment, but with my friends. I work at, guess where, Walmart. (sent 12:14 pm)** _

_Ah, yes. You need to tell me more Walmart stories. (sent 12:14 pm)_

_**Idk why you want that, they’re all boring. (sent 12:15 pm)** _

_No they’re not! I like your stories! (sent 12:15 pm)_

_**You don't need to lie, jail bait. (sent 12:15 pm)** _

_s t o p (sent 12:15 pm)_

_**But I’ve just started. Actually, you’re going as “jail bait” in my phone, with a candy emoji and then two skull emojis. (sent 12:15 pm)** _

_Very precise. Why candy and skulls though? (sent 12:15 pm)_

**_Every jail bait is sweet but if you try it, you go to jail and die. Hint the name jail bait. (sent 12:15 pm)_ **

_Awwwwe you called me sweet (‘: (sent 12:15 pm)_

_Helllooo? (sent 12:16 pm)_

_Hey I don’t have a name to call you. It’s weird going “Humanity’s Strongeessssstttt???” (sent 12:16 pm)_

_I’ll call you… (sent 12:17 pm)_

_)’: help me out heeerrreee. You get to call me blue and jail bait. ))))’::: (sent 12:18 pm)_

_NAKED BIRD MAN IS WHAT ILL CALL YOU (sent 12:20 pm)_

**_Are you serious. (sent 12:21 pm)_ **

_IM CACKLING, WHERE DID U GO? (sent 12:21 pm)_

**_Roommate came home with dinner and I’m hungry. (sent 12:21 pm)_ **

_At midnight? (sent 12:21 pm)_

**_He works late shifts, I don’t know. I don’t question it, especially when he brings home food. (sent 12:21 pm)_ **

_Ooh, what’d you get? (sent 12:21 pm)_

**_Just pizza. I never said he brought home good food. (sent 12:21 pm)_ **

_Pizza is literally food sent from god what are you talking about (sent 12:22 pm)_

**_It’s little caesars :/ (sent 12:22 pm)_ **

_Oh you right, you right (sent 12:22 pm)_

**_Yeah, so shut up jail bait (sent 12:22 pm)_ **

_naked bird man (sent 12:22 pm)_

_**Do you wanna watch Netflix? (sent 12:22 pm)** _


	4. Its 11:11

_It’s 11:11 (sent 11:11 pm)_

_**And? (sent 11:11 pm)** _

_You’re supposed to make a wish. ): (sent 11:11 pm)_

_**Oh okay. (sent 11:11 pm)** _

_**I did it. (sent 11:11 pm)** _

_Yaaay! (sent 11:11 pm)_

_Do you ever go to sleep? Or are you like Edward Cullen? Srs q’s here. (sent 11:12 pm)_

**_Ha ha. I don’t go to sleep, I usually pass out after four days. Five days, if I’m lucky. (sent 11:12 pm)_ **

_Are the nightmares that bad? Or do you just have insomnia? (sent 11:12 pm)_

_Sorry if I’m being nosy. Just tell me off and I’ll stop. (sent 11:12 pm)_

**_Don’t worry about it, Blue. Doctors say I have insomnia, but I don't think I do. (sent 11:13 pm)_ **

**_I can go to sleep anytime I want. I could be on a normal sleeping schedule if I wanted to, but I choose not to. (sent 11:13 pm)_ **

_That’s bad for you ): (sent 11:13 pm)_

**_There’s lots of things that are bad for me, Blue. For example, smoking, or forgetting to eat until Erwin basically shoves a plate of food down my throat. (sent 11:13 pm)_ **

_jesus naked bird man (sent 11:14 pm)_

**_We all have things that are wrong with us. (sent 11:14 pm)_ **

**_I lied when I said I don't remember my nightmares. (sent 11:14 pm)_ **

_I kind of figured. Why though? (sent 11:14 pm)_

**_I didn't think we were gonna talk past that, and you needed help, not me. (sent 11:14 pm)_ **

_Oh. Will you tell me what you have nightmares about? (sent 11:14 pm)_

Levi sighs and picks up his phone from the bedside table. He pulls up “Jail bait” and calls them.

They pick up the phone after a minute, says “Sorry, I couldn’t find my phone.”

“It’s fine.” Levi says, and takes a moment to collect his thoughts.

“Do you believe in reincarnation?” Levi asks and leans against his headboard, doesn't even know why he's telling this stranger.

He hasn't even told Hange.

“Yes” Blue says back automatically. “Well… The last life I lived, I was high rank in this survey corps thing. Called Humanity’s Strongest.” Levi pauses, and it’s dead silent on the other end of the line.

“We fought these fifteen meter high Titans. All of my closest friends died, Isabel, Farlan. Erwin and Hange, other people that I cared about.

I have nightmares about their deaths. My head screams at me and says that it’s my fault. And, I know that it was a past life, and everyone is all live and well now, but I can’t help but feel their blood on my hands. Feel guilt.” Levi says, and he’s not even sure if Blue is breathing. “It was my duty to protect people, I wasn’t called Humanity’s Strongest for nothing, but I let them all down.

I let him down.” Levi whispers the last part.

“What?” Blue whispers from the other end of the line, but Levi doesn’t really pay any attention.

“Whenever I dream, it starts out as good memories sometimes, and those are the worst. Im reminded of good times with my lover I had back in that life and it leads up to different ways of him dying. Him blaming me, each time.” Levi says.

It’s a long stretch of silence, but finally he gets a response.

_“…H-Heichou?”_


	5. Corpus

Lots of people in Levi’s past life called him Heichou, so he doesn’t know who Blue is, didn't really have a chance to ask either, considering Blue hung up right after they said Heichou, and won't reply. It's makes him jumpy that this person knows who he is.

**_This is bullshit, Blue. (sent 8:25 am)_ **

**_It says you’re fucking getting my texts I don't know why you won't fucking respond. (sent 8:27 am)_ **

**_Alright, fuck you too. (sent 8:41 am)_ **

Are you sure you want to delete your account?

**_Yes._ **

***

_Why’d you delete your account? (sent 2:01 am)_

**_Why wouldn’t you answer me. (sent 2:04 am)_ **

_Because I was shocked and I had a panic attack afterwards. (sent 2:05 am)_

**_So you know who I am then. (sent 2:05 am)_ **

_I had my suspicions. “Humanity’s Strongest” is like… Nobody comes up with that, and when you said it was from no where I like, 95% knew. (sent 2:05 am)_

_And then you called and I heard your voice but I couldn't believe it, and even if it was you I didn't think you would remember. But then you told me about your nightmares. (sent 2:06 am)_

_Im sorry, Levi. (sent 2:10 am)_

**_Why are you sorry. (sent 2:11 am)_ **

_Because I gave up awhile ago. (sent 2:11 am)_

**_Elaborate. (sent 2:11 am)_ **

_I just kind of gave up. I accepted that I wasn’t going to find you, and I accepted that my life was shitty and I just kind of gave up on both of those things. (sent 2:11 am)_

**_Who are you? (sent 2:13 am)_ **

_You haven't figured out? I thought you knew and that's why you told me the whole nightmare thing. Shit. (sent 2:13 am)_

_It's Eren. (sent 2:13 am)_

Levi looks picks his head up and off of the mattress, reads the message Blue sent him.

Levi’s throat gets dry and his chest gets tight when he reads the word Eren.

**_I don't believe you. (sent 2:16 am)_ **

**_No scratch that, I want to see you in person. (sent 2:16 am)_ **

_And how would that work? (sent 2:16 am)_

**_Where do you live? (sent 2:17 am)_ **

_Corpus Christi. TX. (sent 2:17 am)_

**_I live literally three hours away. I am coming. (sent 2:17 am)_ **

_What?! No! It's two in the morning, you have work, it's raining really bad over here, so many things can go wrong. (sent 2:17 am)_

_Please don't! (sent 2:17 am)_

**_I’ll message you when I'm entering CC. (sent 2:19 am)_ **

_Stop!! (sent 2:19 am)_

_Levi I'm being serious, don't. (sent 2:21 am)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow.
> 
> also I wanted eren to live by the beach and I wanted Levi to live near that and I've literally never been anywhere near a "beach" other than corpus christi (I mean I've gone to new mexico a tons of times but that was when I was like a smol child) and I didn't want to write about a place I didn't know so have some texas for you.
> 
> when you guys comment it makes me smile and want to update more like I was planning to update next Friday but two people commented on last chapter and that made me smile bc I never get any comments lmao so I wanted to update for them.


	6. fuuUUCCKKK YEEAAAHHH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's one am I feel like I'm wasting away my spring break does anybody live in texas SA and want to have an adventure with me? im not cool but yknow. have this shitty chapter with an equally shitty title.

**_I entered like twenty minutes ago. Where are you? (sent 5:49 am)_ **

Levi leans his head against his car and closes his eyes, waits for Eren to answer. _He’s so tired._

He hears the gas stop and unlocks the pump, puts it back in the gas socket thingy, whatever. He’s tired.

_You cross a bridge and you can see a big ship, right? Go left from that, on the beach. Im a little ways down. (sent 5:50 am)_

Levi gets back into his car and starts driving again. He crosses the bridge, sees the big ship Eren was talking about, and makes his way down there. It wasn’t raining when he got over here, but the roads are wet, so he drives slow.

He decides to pass the ship, drives slowly anyways to see if anyone is standing on the beach past the hotels. There are small groups, and down by the crappy motels, there’s just one person standing on the beach.

Levi parks his car in a motel parking lot, walks around the building and walks towards the person.

It’s quite a walk and Levi feels sand getting into his shoes but it’s worth it. Everything’s worth it if he gets to see Eren.

The person turns around to the sound of sand crunching behind them, and it’s _him_. It’s actually Eren.

The sun is just starting to rise, lilacs and pinks and pretty colors in the sky, creating a beautiful light behind Eren, setting on the calm waves behind him. It’s like a painting.

Eren stands in front of him, hair long and flowing with the wind. He’s wearing a sweater that’s so big that it falls off of one shoulder, exposing a collarbone. Baggy sweat pants and shocked blue, yellow eyes.

He looks angelic.

“It’s you” Levi breathes out, relieved.

Eren smiles a bit and tucks a long piece of hair that keeps getting in the middle of his face behind his ear, crosses his arms, shuffles a bit. “Yeah, who were you expecting?”

“I… I don’t know. I wasn’t expecting much. I just guessed that I was coming down here for nothing.” Levi says and sighs. He feels so good.

“So you didn’t believe me?” Eren says, looking up from underneath his eyelashes and fuck Levi’s so in love. “I’ve been looking for you ever since I was a kid, you brat. And I couldn’t find you for thirty-seven years… Of course I didn’t believe you.”

“Wow. Old again, huh?” Eren says light-hearted-ly, eyes soft. Levi rolls his eyes and looks out at the sea. “Shut up, brat. Im mad at you.” Levi says, looks out at the rolling waves.

Eren shuffles a bit closer, hesitating, but then he’s hugging Levi, squeezing him a bit. “Im sorry.” Eren mumbles into Levi’s neck, then breathes him in.

Levi stands still for a moment, but he can’t resist Eren ever so he hugs back tightly, because he’s finally seeing Eren after thirty seven years.

“Yeah.” Is all Levi says.

They’re silent, and then Eren inhales sharply and whispers “fuck it” and pulls back, then kisses Levi.

Levi’s shocked but he was thinking the same thing so he doesn’t take time in responding, cups Erens face and immediately kisses back with fervor.

They part after a couple minutes, breathing harshly. They both think they could’ve sank to the bottom of the ocean and survived, breathing each other in for years.

Erens arms are now around Levi’s neck, and Levi's hands on Erens hips. “So. You finally made it to the ocean” Levi says, doesn’t look away from Eren. “Yeah, I did. People say it’s not actually the ocean and it’s not the clear waters I was expecting but it’s better than nothing.” Eren mumbles and smiles a small smile, but it’s there and that makes Levi happy.

“Eren?” Levi says, and Eren hums. “I don’t mean to alarm you but I haven’t slept for six days and I’m about to pass out.”

“ _Whaaaa???!!!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys I'm so sad I've already finished this story I don't know what to do with my life. did I finish this story? or did the story finish me?
> 
>  
> 
> anyways I will be updating everyday since I've already finished it and it's a short story.


	7. Eren got beat up by a horse

When Levi wakes up, he’s in a bed and he smells fresh beach air. He gets up and walks out of the room, looks around.

“You look like a scared and curios cat” Someone comments from his left and he jumps, turns and sees Mikasa.

A different Mikasa. She has short hair, bangs being the only thing long and the red scarf she wears is short. “Uh..” Levi trails off, still tired, mind not working.

“You’ve been asleep for a day and a half, and Eren’s at work.” Is all Mikasa says and walks to the kitchen in the small apartment.

“Right..” Levi says underneath his breath and walks back into the room he woke up in.

It's Eren’s room, alright. Messy and just overall Eren. Levi face plants the bed and inhales the pillow.

Definitely Eren.

He rolls onto his back and searches for his phone from where he is on his back. It's on the bedside table, charging.

Levi turns it on and his phone is immediately flooded with texts and missed calls.

From: Shitty Glasses.  
_Levi where are you??? (yesterday 12:11 am)_

_You didn't come into work (yesterday 12:13 am)_

_I get that you pass out sometimes but you aren't at the flat (yesterday 12:54 am)_

_I'm gonna call the police. (yesterday 6:21 pm)_

From: Tall Tree  
_Where have you been? (yesterday 1:34 pm)_

_Your boss called and he says he’s going to fire you if you don’t at least call (yesterday 4:12 pm)_

Levi ignores the last text. Erwin is his boss, and he wouldn't fire him.

From: Blue  
_So I decided since you aren't going to wake up anytime soon I'm going to message you what's going on. Jean (ex) showed up to work today. Things happened. (yesterday 9:03 pm)_

_In case you wake up today, which I expect you to, Im out shopping for food. Mikasa is there, so don’t be alarmed. She’s just chilling because she’s having relationship problems. (sent 11:41 am)_

**_She told me you were at work. (sent 12:29 am)_ **

_Yaaay! You’re awake! (sent 12:30 am)_

**_And locked in your room. (sent 12:30 am)_ **

_Did Mika lock you in there??? (sent 12:30 am)_

**_No, I willingly locked myself in here (sent 12:30 am)_ **

_Oh, lol. Why? (sent 12:31 am)_

**_Because it was awkward and I’d rather be in your bed. (sent 12:31 am)_ **

_It’s a gr8 bed ofc you would (sent 12:31 am)_

_**Im actually gonna go out. (sent 12:32 am)** _

_No don’t! Im almost home. (sent 12:32 am)_

**_You’re texting while driving? (sent 12:32 am)_ **

_No.. (sent 12:32 am)_

**_That’s dangerous (sent 12:32 am)_ **

_You’re dangerous (sent 12:33 am)_

**_;) (sent 12:33 am)_ **

Levi hears a car pull into the parking lot a couple minutes later.

_Come help with groceries. (sent 12:39 am)_

Levi walks out of the bedroom and walks out, Mikasa gone. He walks outside and walks over to Eren, opens up the car door for him.

“Hello my Sleeping Beauty” Eren says, looking down while getting out.

Levi hasn’t forgotten the fact that “things happened”

Levi shuts the door, doesn’t comment on the fact that Eren’s hiding his face, and gathers up groceries from the back seat. “You couldn’t put them in the trunk like a normal person?” Levi asks and closes the door.

Eren laughs and locks the car, bags on his arms and walks to the apartment, says “When have I ever been a normal person?”

They walk inside and Levi sets the bags ontop of the counter, watches Eren put up the food the way he wants it to be for a good minute until he speaks up. “So. Why are you hiding your face?”

Levi can feel Eren tense up from across the kitchen. “Im not.”

“You haven't looked at me since you got out of the car and you've had your back to me since we got in the house. I'm not dumb, Blue.” Levi says, the nick name falling off of his tongue without his consent.

“Im putting up groceries Levi.”

Levi sighs and walks over to Eren, says “Come on, what happened? What did Jean do?”

“Jean didn't do anything” Eren says and puts a bunch of ramen packets in the cabinet. “Then why won't you show me your face? Maybe I wanted a kiss.” Levi says, leans against the counter.

Eren just sighs and turns around. His lip is split and the bottom of his jaw on the right is bruised. Levi studies it for a moment, says “You let yourself get beat up by a horse?”

Eren groans and turns around, puts soup into the cabinet. “At least you’re not mad.” Eren mumbles.

Levi is beyond mad, but when has he ever shown emotion?

Levi walks closer to Eren and reaches around, grabs Erens chin, being wary of the purple bruise, and turns Erens head towards him. He kisses him, just something small, and then walks off back to the bedroom.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm such a horrible person I didn't update so double update

Levi goes into Erens work the next day, decides to see how Jean and Eren’s relationship is before he acts on anything.

He’s helping Eren move around flowers and stuff, Eren even teaches him how to do a small arrangement, nothing big, and it’s cute. Eren is.

It’s around lunch time when Jean finally comes into work, and Levi’s got his eye on him the moment he steps in the door. 

Eren goes quiet (not that he wasn’t before, concentrated on his current arrangement, but it’s different now. Tense.) and Levi knows that their relationship isn’t good. 

“Im gonna go to the back and get some food, since it’s my lunch right now. Want anything? Chips?” Eren asks as he walks over to Levi, trying not to draw attention to himself.

There’s a problem.

Levi shakes his head, says he’ll just stay here and Eren doesn’t think about it before going to the back, getting away from Jean.

There’s another worker here, Levi doesn’t know his name, but he can hear Jean and nameless laughing about something, then he catches Erens name fall from Jeans lips. “Yeah, he’s so fat. He should really starve himself.”

Levi feels his jaw tick. There’s a big problem here. 

“What was that?” Levi asks from across the room, voice hard. Jean jumps and turns around to face Levi. 

“Jesus.. What we’re talking about is none of your business.” Jean says and turns back to nameless. 

Levi stand up from his stool and walks over to where Jean and nameless are, leans against the wall next to them and crosses his arms. “I believe I asked a question.” Levi says, bored face and flat tone.

“We were just talking about how fat our Co-worker, Eren is.” Nameless speaks up the same time Jean turns around. “He should kill himself, honestly. He’s so pathetic.” Jean comments, looking at nameless.

Both of them laugh, and Levi can see why Eren is depressed and has low-self esteem.

“Im sorry, I think I’ve heard you wrong. What was that?” Levi asks again, and if looks could kill, Jean would be dead.

Jean opens his mouth, and Levi already sees that he’s not gonna change what he said, so Levi stands up straight and swings at Jean, effectively cutting him off and making him fall to the ground.

“What the fuck?!” Jean yells once it’s registered that he’s on the ground. “What the fuck is right. Why would you talk about Eren like that?” Levi yells back, squats down in front of Jean and grabs the front of his shirt, pulls him close. “Did you know that Eren actually did try to kill himself? Why the fuck would you encourage that?” Levi says lowly.

Jean is scared, Levi can see it in his eyes, but if Levi can remember correctly, Jean never backed down, from anything or anybody.

Levi stands up before Jean can push him back and get the advantage. “If I ever catch you talking about Eren, or anybody like that again, I will rip your tongues out through your throat, understand me?” Levi says, and nameless nods, scared. 

“Understand, horse face?” Levi asks, looks down at Jean. Jean doesn’t say anything or nod, just stares at the front door looking pissed, but Levi guesses that’s the best he’ll get, and walks away to the back.

Eren’s standing at the microwave with his back to the door when Levi comes in. It takes a moment, but Eren goes “You didn’t have to do that. They’re right.”

Levi sighs and walks over to Eren and leans against the table that the microwave is on. “No they’re not. The whole fat thing? You’re already skinny, like I’m concerned. And Eren, if you killed yourself, where would I be?” Levi says, never looks away from Erens face.

“I understand you’re depressed, fuck, who isnt, but you don’t have to take that shit, Eren.” Levi says, and when he gets no response, he sighs.

“Come here” Levi mumbles and stands up straight, pulls Eren close and hugs him. Levi sighs and runs his fingers through Erens hair. “I don’t think it’s good for you to be working here.” Levi says.

“Where else would I work?” Eren asks from his place against Levi’s neck. “Another flower place, or a restaurant, or literally any place than here.” Levi says, still mildly pissed off.

“I don’t know… What if no other place hires me?” Eren says quietly and Levi scoffs, is quick to add “Who wouldn’t want you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't go over these things and edit it so if there's mistakes like me sorry


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so short I think I'm gonna do triple update

They leave early, and Levi almost starts a scene in front of three customers because he’s pretty sure he heard Jean say something, but Eren just holds onto Levi’s arm and drags him out.

Levi is more than mildly irritated now, but doesn’t let it show, instead keeps on the same bored look he always has. 

He can sense that Eren’s a bit upset with him, for some reason he has this notion in his head that Jean is right and that they’re in the wrong. 

When the get to Erens apartment down on the beach, Eren gets out of the car, not saying a word and Levi is just tired. Tired, tired, tired.

They walk in the apartment and Levi has to figure out what to do now. He can’t stay here for much longer, but he knows Eren needs help that Mikasa doesn’t know about. “Eren” Levi calls out while he’s taking off his shoes by the front door and Eren is walking off to his bedroom.

Levi follows shortly after and sees Eren face down on the bed and Eren is cute. He really is.

“Eren, Im not gonna say I’m sorry because I’m not. You can stay upset with me all you want but I need to talk with you.” Levi says, crosses his arms and leans against the door frame.

Eren doesn’t move, doesn’t even acknowledge Levi in the slightest. 

“Okay. Well. Im leaving. I can’t stay here forever.” Levi says, expecting to get something out of Eren, but he doesn’t. Eren doesn’t twitch or move his head a little bit or anything. 

Levi stands there for a moment, gives Eren a chance to reply but he doesn’t, so Levi sighs. “Bye, Blue.” Levi mumbles and shuts the door behind him while he walks out. 

Eren doesn’t get up to follow him or call him while Levi is looking for his keys in the living room, or when Levi opens the front door and walks out, closing it behind him. Eren doesn’t run out with wide eyes or calls Levi’s cellphone when he’s pulling out of the parking lot, and as far as Levi knows, Eren never cared in the slightest.


	10. gratatatataataaaaa

It’s a long three hour trip back, and despite there being slow traffic he almost gets into a car wreck.

Otherwise, it’s smooth sailing. Driving, anyways. Levi’s left alone with his thoughts and blasting music in the car doesn’t really help.

When he pulls up to the same boring apartment complex he’s known for the past five years, it’s hitting him that this is his life. Not the small apartment that sits on sand by the beach, but instead this spacious apartment that’s three stories up, in the middle of a boring town, filled with boring people.

He gets out of the car and walks up three flights of stairs, unlocks his door and walks in. Erwin and Hange aren’t home, Hange most likely went to work awhile ago and Erwin always leaves in the mornings, despite working at night.

The apartment is clean and empty and not filled with life and as much as a clean freak Levi is, he kind of misses Erens mess that he saw in Erens apartment.

Levi’s room is the same as the living room, spotless and dull, but he knows Hange isn’t like him, so he walks to Hanges room and opens the door, closes it behind him and collapses on her bed. The room has color in it, something Levi lacks in his own, and there’s some clothes on the floor, messy but lived in.

For once Levi doesn’t feel like cleaning, doesn’t care about the possible germs that could be getting on him right now, and he falls asleep.

**

“Babe? You never come in my room, much less sleep in it. Are you okay?” Levi wakes up to Hange rubbing his back and he never has and never will admit it but he loves Hange, honestly.

Levi just groans. There are so many things wrong. Hange is right, he never steps a foot in Hanges room, refuses to touch her bed, and the sleeping??? When has he willingly fallen asleep??

“Where have you been? Tell me everything.” Hange says, eyes filled with concern.

“Found Eren. Lives in Corpus, went down there. I don’t feel like he cares though, didn’t say anything while I was leaving.” Levi mumbles into Hange’s sheets.

Hange is silent but she still rubs his back. “I don’t know what to say.” She says after awhile.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Levi says and sits up. “We thought you finally decided you had enough.” Hange says, not saying that they thought he killed himself, but implying it.

Levi doesn’t respond, instead gets up and leaves the room, goes to his own instead. He pulls out his phone and sees he has a couple of texts from Eren.

From: Blue  
_im sorry. (sent 9:34 pm)_

_you’ve been so nice and I’m such shit. (sent 9:34 pm)_

_im sorry.. (sent 9:35 pm)_

The words make Levi stomach twist.

**_You have no reason to be sorry. It’s okay. (sent 9:41 pm)_ **

_I have every reason to be sorry. You’ve been there for me since day one even though you didn’t even know me. You stood up to Jean for me. You’ve done allot of things, Levi. Im sorry. (sent 9:42 pm)_

**_You don’t get to be upset at me and not even talk to me when I’m trying to tell you I’m leaving and then apologize when all I did was do something for you. (sent 9:42 pm)_ **

Levi is still mad and moderately sad, and he’s never been good with expressing his feelings.

**_As far as I know, you wanted me out. Which is fine. You don’t need to apologize. (sent 9:42 pm)_ **

_But I didn't want you out. (sent 9:42 pm)_

Levi wants to retort with something like “Then why didn’t you say anything while I left” but that’s cliché and Levi doesn’t like clichés.

Instead he doesn’t answer and tosses his phone down on his bed, and decides to go take a shower because he was sleeping on Hanges bed, of all places.

Levi is kind of.. not lost in his thoughts, per say, but definitely somewhere else. He stands there under the hot water and that’s about it. Fifteen minutes after he gets into the shower, he can hear his phone going off, so he decides to hurry up and wash his hair and body, and gets out.

When he looks at his phone, there's two missed calls from Eren and a couple of text messages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning it gets sad and some people might get triggered later on


	11. Hange is a nosy shit head

Levi’s fine in the morning, almost as if meeting and talking with Eren never happened, Hange observes.

Hange is definitely nosy, by ALL means, but she knows her boundaries and when not to cross them, so she doesn't pry or ask Levi if he's okay.

Instead, while Levi is eating a bowl of cereal, Hange goes into his room and finds his phone, and gets Erens number.

There is no outright “Eren” in Levi’s phone, so she has to dig quickly through messages.

“Blue” Hange mumbles to herself, memorizes the number and quickly walks out of the room, shutting it quietly behind her.

She pulls out her own phone and begins to text “Blue”, calls out to Levi while entering her own room that she's gonna take a shower.

To: 2108624109  
**Is this Eren? (sent 10:12 am)**

Hange goes into her own personal bathroom while waiting for the possible Eren to text back and turns on the shower, goes over to the sink and begins to brush her teeth.

When she's done, her phone vibrates and she immediately checks it.

From: 2108624109  
_Who is this? (sent 10:15 pm)_

**You tell me if this is Eren Jaeger and I’ll tell you who I am. (sent 10:15 pm)**

_How do you know my name? (sent 10:15 pm)_

**So it is you? (sent 10:15 pm)**

**Yaayyy!!! Hi my angry baby titan!!! It’s Hange, do you remember me?? (sent 10:15 pm)**

_Hange? (sent 10:16 pm)_

**Well I suppose you knew me as Hanji, but.. (sent 10:16 pm)**

_** [Image attached, selfie of Hange being weird in her bathroom] (sent 10:16 pm) ** _

_Oh. Hi Hanji. (sent 10:17 pm)_

_Or Hange. (sent 10:17 pm)_

**Either way is fine, cupcake. Listen, what happened with you and Levi??? (sent 10:17 pm)**

_What do you mean? (sent 10:18 pm)_

**Welllll levi left for like two days and came back and was sad asf. This morning he seems fine, almost like none of it happened. Did you guys make up? (sent 10:18 pm)**

_No.. he never replied. (sent 10:18 pm)_

Hange leaves her phone on the counter and takes a quick shower to stop wasting the water. When she gets out, she puts her hair up and gets dressed, walks out.

“Levi” Hange sings, walks over to Levi who’s sitting on the couch. “You found Eren, right?” Hange asks and sits down next to him. He’s doing something on his phone.

Levi doesn’t answer, so Hange continues. “If you found Eren, why are you here? Why are you guys not talking?” Hange asks, pulls her knees up to chest and rests her chin on them.

“He’s still in love with Jean, and..” Levi trails off. He doesn’t bother continuing though.

“How would you know? Eren said that you never replied to him” Hange says, and Levi side-eyes her. “He called, we talked.” Levi says, and returns to what he was doing.


	12. mmm whatcha sayyyy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating for like, a month

It’s raining pretty heavily, and Levi is drenched to the bone, cold and soaked.

He leans against the railing of an old bridge that was once used for trains and stares down at the water rushing below him.

He’s on the other side of the railing, the only thing keeping him on the bridge is the slight space for his shoes, and his tight grip on the bars.

It’s a long drop down, he would probably die the moment he hit the water, and if not, the jagged rocks at the bottom would probably break something, and he would drown.

It’s not just Eren, Levi thinks. He’s always been this way. Always been depressed.. Well, maybe not always. Depression is his childhood friend, yes, but that only started once he was around 12.

He doesn’t know why he’s just standing there, looking down at the murky water below him that would sweep him and his breath along.

He’s not scared to jump. He’s done it twice before. Once, five years ago, when Erwin found him, and then two years ago.

He is by no means scared, so, why is he just standing there?

He listens to the rain hitting the ground, and to the rushing waters beneath him, feels a sense of calm wash over him.

He takes a breath, closes his eyes, whispers out a “Sorry” to everyone who he cares about and vise versa, and let’s go.

“Fucking-“

A hand is clutching the back of his sopping shirt and twisting, pulling him back. “What the fuck?!”

“Do you know how pissed off and upset Eren would be if you killed yourself?!” A voice is yelling in his ear over the rain, and Levi’s eyes open, calm replaced with anxiety and panic.

The sudden person scared the shit out of him, and Levi jumps, slips, and the next moment, he’s plummeting. The only thing going through his mind before he hits the water is Eren and how pissed off and upset he’ll be.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning talks about suicide bc I'm a dark person :)

When he wakes up it’s to the smell hand sanitizer and to thin sheets.

He automatically knows where he is.

There’s an IV taped down to his arm and it’s super uncomfortable, sticking up in an awkward way. He looks around with bleary eyed and finds the nurse button on the side of his bed, presses it.

A nurse comes in a couple moments later, looking ecstatic. “Hi, Mr. Ackerman. Welcome back to the world of living.” She chuckles, hoping to lighten his mood.

Yeah, welcome back, Levi thinks bitterly.

“The IV.. it’s uncomfortable.” Levi says, mouth dry. “Let’s see..” She mumbles and walks over to his right to look at it.

“Do you want to change arms? That’s really all I can do.” She says, already peeling off the medical tape that kept it down. “Sure” Levi grits out through a hoarse throat, not really wanting it anywhere near him.

She uses a whole different needle and everything for the other arm, and when she’s done, she goes into the bathroom that’s attached to the room and comes out with a cup of water, hands it to Levi.

He takes it and gulps all of it down, throat feeling a little bit better. “Anything else?” She asks patiently.

“What time is it and how long have I been here?” Levi asks, puts the small paper cup on the desk beside him.

“It’s three in the morning and you’ve been here for three days.” She says, but doesn’t bother to leave.

“I want to leave.” Levi states. He likes cleanliness, but he hates hospitals.

“I wouldn’t recommend that, Mr. Ackerman.” She says, but Levi sits up anyways.

“I don’t care what you recommend, I want to leave.” Levi says, feeling uncomfortable in the gown he’s wearing. “I also want my clothes back.” He says.

The nurse sighs, looking sad. “Of course. I’ll get a paper that you need to sign-“ “A waiver “ “-..Yes. And while you sign that I’ll get your clothes for you.”

The nurse leaves and Levi sighs, looks around the room. His cell phone is on the desk next to him, more than likely broken. He reaches for it and tries turning it on, but the screen stays black, so it’s either dead or broken.

The nurse comes back a couple minutes later with a paper and a pen, and Levi signs it. She takes out the IV and hands over Levi’s clothes when she gets back, says “You can now leave whenever you want. You’re on the fifth floor, so just follow the signs to the elevator, and there’s more signs down there that will lead you out.”

Levi quickly changes into his now dry clothes and puts on his shoes, stuffs his phone into his back pocket and does as the nurse said.

He finds his way out soon enough, and the air is crisp and cool, a slight breeze making him shiver. 

He calls a cab from a pay phone because even though he’s been in a warm bed for the past couple of days, he still feels cold, and doesn't want to walk. 

The ride back to his apartment is silent, of course. He doesn’t know this cab driver.

He says a small thanks to the cab driver when they stop in front of his apartment complex and pays him, then gets out.

He doesn’t think about who it was that saved him, and how he could know Eren. He doesn’t think about what Erwin and Hange’s response will be. He doesn’t think about the fact that Hange and Erwin are probably still awake. He doesn’t think about the fact that Eren might know.

All he thinks about is his warm bed, on his way to his apartment.

When he finally opens up the door and steps into his apartment, the lights are off, the TV is on, and there’s three people on the couch, all sleeping.

Levi doesn’t think anything of the third person, instead takes off his shoes and makes his way to his bedroom.

He shuts the door behind him and stretches. He doesn’t care if he has nightmares tonight, all he wants to do is sleep.

But first, he’s gotta take a shower.

He grabs his towel that’s on the back of the bathroom door and goes inside, closes it, and starts to take a shower.

He takes off the band aids that are on the inside of both of his elbows, he washes away any lake or river water that might’ve dried up in his hair, and he scrubs himself with soap until his skin is red and he’s sure he’s clean.

Obviously, jumping isn’t cutting it, Levi thinks to himself. There’s other ways, letting himself bleed to death and hanging himself, but…

Levi thinks about it, and thinks that he’ll go back to that bridge, but instead of just jumping off, he’ll jump off with a rope tied around his neck.

He’ll fall and once the rope can’t go any further, it’ll pull him back and snap his neck.

Great plan, Levi.

He turns off the shower and gets out, dries himself and puts on clothes he brought in here. He stops thinking about killing himself, now only thinks about his bed.

“What the fuck Hange, don’t you have your own bathroom?” A sleepy voice says from Levi’s own bed, and Levi stops in the doorway of the now dark bathroom.

He’s silent for a moment, then says “What the fuck”

The person who’s half sitting up in his bed (Levi only knows this because there’s a bit of moonlight coming in through the window) doesn’t say anything, so after standing there for a couple of seconds, Levi reaches for the light switch on the wall next to him.

The ceiling light turns on and it takes a moment for Levi’s eyes to adjust, but once they do he sees different colored eyes staring at him.

“…What are you doing in my bed, brat?” Levi asks.

Erens eyes widen even more, if that’s possible, and he then gets up the fastest Levi’s ever seen anyone get up, and he’s running towards Levi, fully awake now.

Eren throws his arms around Levi’s neck and hugs him really tightly, says “What are you doing out of the hospital, do you know what time it is?” and buries his face in Levi's neck.

“I wanted out” Levi sighs and just stands there, let’s Eren hug him. “That doesn’t answer why you were in my bed though” Levi adds on.

“And that doesn’t answer why you tried to kill yourself!” Eren cries but he doesn’t pull back from the hug. The one sided hug.

“You stop talking to me and two days later I find out that you’re in the hospital because you tried killing yourself, what the fuck Levi?” Eren says , clinging onto Levi like he’s a life line.

“Shut up, brat, you’re gonna wake up the others. And it’s not because of you, don’t think that.” Levi says, annoyed and tired. “I want to sleep.”

Eren pulls back at that, looking sheepish and embarrassed. “Sorry” he mumbles and then just stands there to the side while Levi collapses on his own bed.

After a moment, Levi speaks up from where his face is planted in the bed “Are you just gonna stand there like a lost dog or are you gonna turn off the light and come here?”

The light is turned off and Eren makes his way over to the bed, hesitantly climbing in underneath the blanket. He stays his distance and it’s irritating Levi.

“Is there a problem?” Levi mumbles, turns his head to the side and stares at Eren through half open eyes. “No, I’m just not sure-“ “I asked if there was a problem.”

Eren sighs, doesn’t make eye contact with Levi. “No.”

“Then why are you all the way over there when just a couple minutes ago you had no problem taking up the whole bed?” Levi says, and Eren kind of gets it, scoots more onto the bed and away from the edge.

Levi groans and Erens afraid he’s done something wrong, but then Levi grabs him and pulls him closer, holds him.

Levi doesn’t go to sleep. He instead lays there, eyes closed, breathing in Eren and his familiar room. After awhile, Eren starts to get tense, and he shifts so his face is no longer pressed to Levi’s chest.

“What’s wrong?” Levi whispers into the dark room, opens his eyes and looks down at Eren. It’s useless, really. It’s too dark to make out any of Erens features.

Eren is fully tense, and he sniffles but doesn’t say anything. “Eren?”

“Im sorry..” Eren says shakily, and sniffs again, moves his hands up to rub his eyes. “Are you crying?” Levi asks, not really sure what to do or why Erens crying.

“I… I just keep imagining..” Eren trails off, and he starts shaking, so Levi gets it.

He pulls Eren close again, turning on his back while doing so. Once they get situated, Eren is half (if not all the way) ontop of Levi, sobbing into his neck, legs tangled.

Levi runs his fingers through Erens hair and lays there, let’s Eren cry, mind drifting back to the dark thoughts he had in the shower. How could he possibly do that now?

But he’s quickly pulled back to the real world, back to Eren. “You know it’s not your fault.” Levi says, other hand running up and down Erens back underneath Erens shirt. Eren sobs harder, shakes even more. “B-But you-“ “Shut up. Don’t talk.”

“It’s not your fault, I’ve always felt this way, and this isn’t my first time trying to suicide either.”

Eren whimpers at that (he really is a dog, Levi thinks) and winds himself tighter around Levi. 

“How many times and how?” Eren asks once he’s a bit calmer, head now lying on Levi’s chest. “Three. The first was when I was sixteen, I got intoxicated with my friends, and I don’t know. I slit my wrists and tried to bleed out, but my friends found me in the bathroom a little later. I was in the hospital for six months.” Levi says quietly, right hand no longer running through Erens hair.

“The second one was five years ago. I jumped off a bridge but didn’t die because Erwin saw me and caught me. He suffered a broken shoulder, three broken ribs and something else. I suffered way worse, but I was in a coma for a month so I got over some of it while I was out.

The third I don’t remember much of, all I know is that I tried jumped off another bridge because that’s my thing apparently, and when I woke up I was in Hange’s little studio apartment.” Levi says, then yawns a little bit.

“Why are you guys living together now?” Eren asks, drawing random patterns on Levi’s chest with his pointer finger. “Because. They felt the need the watch over me and make sure I didn’t hurt myself again. And it’s easier too, the bills and all.”

“And this is your fourth time you tried killing yourself? Why?” Eren asks hesitantly. Levi sighs, says “What do you mean, why? It’s the same reason as two years ago, or five years ago, or when I was sixteen. It’s because I’m tired. Im tired of hurting, of existing. Im tired of the nightmares, I’m tired of people. Im tired and I hurt, all the time.”

Erens quiet, doesn’t ask any more questions, but he does press closer (like that’s possible) and buries his face into Levi’s neck again, left hand coming up to play with Levi’s hair and running his fingers over Levi’s undercut.

Levi holds Eren and they stay like that, eventually falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't edit my stuffff


	14. Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> be ready for sad
> 
>  
> 
> My chapter titles suck.

Levi wakes up with a jolt, eyes opening fast, a sharp intake of breath.

He can’t remember what his nightmare was about, but he knows it was bad. Eren’s asleep, no longer half ontop of Levi, but curled around him, leg hooked up over Levi’s hip.

Levi breathes out shakily, hands coming up to press into his eyes. He presses the palms of his hands into his eyes and starts counting, inhales, holds it in, and exhales.

He always reminds himself that it was just a dream but they’re never just dreams, all of it happened in his past life, weather or not he can remember.

Once he’s calmed down enough to where his hands aren’t shaking anymore, he lowers his arms and looks at the clock. It’s seven in the morning, and the birds outside are chirping.

Wonderful.

Levi turns on his side a bit more and lays there, looks at the bit of sunlight that’s coming through a crack in his curtains. He doesn’t think, not really, just stares at the way the curtains will flutter a bit every time the fan in the corner of the room will rotate and face that direction.

He notices that Eren doesn’t snore, instead he’ll talk in his sleep, every now and then.

“That’s not how the cheese goes” Eren mumbles, huffs a bit and snuggles closer to Levi, practically smashes his face into Levi’s chest.

Why is he dreaming about cheese and how cheese goes?

He’s cute, though.

After awhile, Levi hears something made out of glass shatter, and he hears a string of curse words. Hange’s awake.

He can hear talking to herself, walking around. She abruptly stops talking and walking five minutes afterwards the glass incident, and then she’s running to the back of the apartment.

His door swings open (why didn’t he lock it last night) and Hange stops in the doorway, looks in.

“Shouldn’t you be cleaning the glass you broke, four eyes?” Levi says.

“Levi!” Hange cheers and walks into the room. “I didn’t hear you open up the hallway closet to get the broom.” Levi continues.

Hange picks up a pillow next to Levi’s head and hits him with it. “You lied to me!” Hange accuses, and hits Levi again. “If I step in glass out there I’m gonna be mad” is all Levi says, pulls up the blanket over his and Erens head.

“What the fuck..” Eren mumbles from his place against Levi chest, awake now. “You said that Eren was still in love with Jean!” Hange says, hits the blanket lump again.

“Because I wanted to get you off of my back” Levi retorts and Eren pops his head out of the blanket only to get a face full of pillow.

“Oh, I’m sorry pumpkin. Did I wake you?” Hange asks, and Levi just groans. “You’re so stupid.” Levi mumbles from underneath the blanket.

“Yes, and you’ll wake up other people too” Eren chastises, and there’s some moving around before Erens comfortable, sitting up against the headboard.

“Sooooo, you guys are okay now?”

“I don’t know.”

“No we aren’t Hange.” Levi sighs from underneath the blankets, then comes out and rests his head on Erens thigh. “We’re mortal enemies who only like to cuddle sometimes.”

Eren snickers above him and starts to play with the ends of Levi’s hair.

Hange rolls her eyes and tosses the pillow down on the bed, says “Yeah alright” and closes the door on her way out.

It’s peacefully silent, and Levi’s content. Feels like he could lay here for years.

“What were you dreaming about?” Levi asks from his place on Erens thigh. Eren hums, says “What?”

“You were mumbling about how the cheese doesn't go that way in your sleep.”

Eren snorts above him, in which Levi mumbles “Attractive” to, and Eren says “I don’t know. I was dreaming about working in a restaurant and this one guy wanted cheese on his steak, so the cheese guy comes out with one of those fancy salt or pepper grinders, right? And so he starts grinding it over this guy’s steak and grated cheddar cheese comes out, and I’m just standing on the side yelling how that’s not how the cheese goes.”

“Very wild dream. Why would cheddar cheese come out of a fancy cheese slash salt grinder? That’s the least fancy cheese.”

“That’s what I was saying!” Eren exclaims.

They’re mostly silent after that, mentally agreeing with each other that they don’t want to get up out of bed. Not yet.

Levi stares at the empty wall next to his closet and thinks. Thinks about how good it feels to have Erens fingers play with his hair. Thinks about how good it felt to go to sleep with Eren on his chest.

Thinks about how good it felt to be standing on the edge of that bridge.

Of course, he’ll always come back to here. This dark part of his mind. No matter what he does, he always ends up here.

But he felt free. In total control of his life. It felt good, to just stand there in that moment, knowing it was his decision for once. It was his decision on if he lived.

He knows he shouldn’t think about it. The different ways to kill himself. Maybe the next time, he’ll hang himself instead of trying to jump from a bridge with a rope tied around his neck. Or maybe he’ll use a gun.

He doesn’t want to leave a mess, though.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.” Levi says, almost automatically. It’s makes him cringe. “You have to be thinking of something.” Eren says.

Levi shrugs just a bit, but Eren catches it. “Im thinking about what we are now.”

It almost makes Levi snort.

Almost.

“What do you mean?” Levi asks. “Well I don’t even know if I’m allowed to be playing with your hair.” Eren says but continues playing with Levi’s hair nonetheless.

“Have I told you off yet?” Levi mumbles into Erens thigh, feeling really tired. He only slept, what, two hours? “No.” “Then you’re allowed to.”

“What am I allowed to do?” Eren asks, looking down at the raven colored hair between his fingers. “Everything.” Levi says, because in truth, he misses Eren, even though he slept with Eren in his arms.

Erens breath hitches at that and Levi rolls his eyes. “You’re a pervert.”

“You don’t even know what I was thinking!” Eren cries and stops playing with Levi’s hair.

“You’re popping a boner right near my face. Disgusting.” Levi says and sits up, rubs his eyes to get rid of sleep.

“No I’m not!” Eren says, and then he pouts, looks away from Levi.

When Levi sees this ohmygod Eren is so cute. Levi leans in a peppers kisses along Erens neck, mumbles into the caramel skin “Why are you getting all defensive if it’s not true?”

Eren huffs, doesn’t say anything, so Levi kisses down his neck, puts a hand on Erens thigh and inches upwards. “Why so silent?” Levi asks, and when he gets no response again except for Eren to open his legs just a bit, he pulls away altogether.

Levi sees the sort-of-sad, sort-of-embarrassed look on Erens face and chuckles. “You have to take me out to dinner first. Im a classy lady.” Levi says, and that gets a smile out of Eren. “Says you. You just had your hand near my dick and your lips on my neck.”

Levi raises an eyebrow and leans against the wall that his bed is up against. “So you’re saying you didn’t like that? Well I’m sorry. I’ll make sure to never do something like that again.”

“No, that’s not what I meant!” Eren says and sits up straight, eyes wide. Levi snickers, says “You’re such a teenager.”

“Im actually twenty-four, thank you.” Eren huffs. “Oh, my bad” Levi says sarcastically. “Im hungry and I’m going to go raid your kitchen” Eren says and gets up, but kisses Levi’s cheek before he leaves.

Levi’s not hungry, not really, and he doesn’t want to go out there in case Erwin is awake. Or wakes up.

Levi looks at his phone that’s charging on the night stand (how?) and picks it up, tries turning it on. It takes a couple moments of holding down the power button but it eventually turns on.

His phone is flooded with texts immediately, all from Eren.

_Why is Armin telling me you’re dead? (sent three days ago)_

_You’re not dead. (sent three days ago)_

_Levi. (sent three days ago)_

_Can this be a joke yet. (sent three days ago)_

_Please send me your stories to make me smile again. (sent three days ago)_

_I love yoi. (sent three days ago)_

_Oh hey look, classy typos. (sent three days ago)_

_You* (sent three days ago)_

_I miss you. (sent three days ago)_

_Idk. I like it here. (sent three days ago)_

_It makes me feel like you’re still here. (sent three days ago)_

_Like any minute you’re gonna text me “hey blue” (sent three days ago)_

_Im so heartbroken Levi. (sent three days ago.)_

_Goodnight, naked bird man. (sent three days ago)_

_Good morning (sent two days ago)_

_I miss you. (sent two days ago)_

_Wanna come back yet? (sent two days ago)_

_LEVI COME BACK (sent two days ago)_

_COME BACK AND TELL ME BYE YOU ASSHOLE (sent two days ago)_

_STOP PLAYING STOP IT ITS NOT FUNNY COME BACK RIGHT NOW (sent two days ago)_

_you’re not coming back are you (sent two days ago)_

_please (sent two days ago)_

_Hi Levi (sent yesterday)_

_I couldn’t take it anymore. I finally got Mikasa to drive me all the way over here. (sent yesterday)_

_Nobody bothered to tell me you were in the hospital. (sent yesterday)_

_I thought you were dead. (sent yesterday)_

_I stayed in your hospital room and held your hand and cried until they had to drag me out because it was past visitor hours. (sent yesterday)_

_Im about to cry right now. (sent yesterday)_

_Your bed smells so much like you I never want to leave. (sent yesterday)_

_I love you. (sent yesterday)_

Levi’s eyes sting and he grits his teeth. He feels like such an asshole.

“Eren” Levi calls out a bit quiet, voice strained. Levi sits on the edge of the bed, head down, looking over the texts again and again.

Eren comes in a moment later and walks over to Levi. “There’s nothing in your kitchen”

Levi just tosses his phone down on the bed and wraps his arms around Erens waist, pulls him closer and rests his forehead on Erens stomach.

“What’s wrong?” Eren asks, starts to run his fingers through Levi’s hair, wonders what Levi saw on his phone.

After a moment, Eren hears Levi say “Im sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Eren asks, frowning, eventually gets uncomfortable with standing so he sits down on Levi’s lap, forces Levi to look at him and winds his arms around Levi’s neck.

Levi’s eyes are a bit glossy, tears gathered up in the corners of his eyes. ”Hm?” Eren hums, places his right hand on Levi’s cheek and thumbs underneath his eye, left arm still over his shoulder.

Levi looks down and leans into Erens touch, says “I saw the texts… Im sorry. Im really sorry” and he whispers the last part.

Eren knows what he’s talking about and he frowns. “Don’t be sorry, don’t cry. You’re here, with me, and that's all that matters now.” Eren says.

“But I could’ve died. I should’ve. I don’t know how I survived that drop. And then I’d be dead and you would still be sending me texts and-“ “Shut up” Eren interrupts.

“You were a bit far off from the shallow part, where all the rocks are, so it was just like jumping into a pool from a high place, I’ve done it tons of times before when I was like twelve. I would jump off this one bridge all the time with my friends.” Eren says and kisses the corner of Levi’s mouth, says “Stop freaking out and feeling sorry.”

“Sorry” Is all Levi says, and Eren gives him an annoyed look.

“What did I just say?”

“Sorry…”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for like, never updating. I just forget, you know?

It’s 12 and they’re all at a restaurant. They being Levi and Eren, Erwin, Hange, and Levi’s rescuer, Armin.

They all ordered what they wanted already, so they’re just sitting in their booth now, talking. Levi and Eren being across from each other, Hange and Armin next to Levi, while Erwin is sitting next to Eren.

Levi’s right arm is stretched out on the table, sleeve rolled up, and Erens head is on said table, fingers and eyes tracing over the silvery scar that runs down Levi’s arm.

Hange notices and smiles to herself, continues to talk to Armin and Erwin and let’s the two be in their own little world.

When their food comes, Eren sits up straight and their bubble is broken.

The group sits in comfortable silence, but Levi knows. He knows that Erwin and Hange are silently agreeing on when to strike.

It’s probably soon.

Hange likes to ease into stuff, but Erwin just gets straight to the point, so Levi guesses he’ll just have to wait for whichever one speaks up first.

Once they’re done with their meal, they all get up and leave, everyone leaving a two dollar tip, and they start walking.

Hange suggests they go shopping, since she needs to get clothes and all that, and Armin agrees ecstatic and what not.

So, they walk to the mall which isn’t that far of a walk honestly, and they walk, Eren never leaves Levi’s side until Armin pulls him into a shop along with Hange thirty minutes later.

So, it’s Erwin, then.

Levi leans against the wall outside of the shop and waits for Erwin to speak up, crosses his arms. Erwin checks his watch first before speaking up.

“I want you to go to therapy.”

Nice.

“No.” Levi shoots back immediately, face never changing. “Hange and I want you to go. Armin wants you to go. Eren wants you to go, are you really going to turn Eren down?” Erwin asks, staring at Levi, never blinking.

Levi swears that Erwin is some mind reading fuck sometimes.

“Tch. Im not going.” Levi says, standing his ground. “I went to a therapist once and the guy put rapist into therapist.” Levi says lowly.

Erwin doesn’t waiver though, says “Not all therapist’s are like that Levi. Besides, we’ve already booked you an appointment.”

“Have fun telling them I’m not showing up.”

Eren, Armin and Hange comes out of the shop and Levi glares at them all, really only focusing on Hange.

“Plan B.” Erwin says, and immediately Hange and Armin are on his right arm, Erwin holding onto his left. Eren picks up his legs and as much as he would like to not have that pretty face messed up, he kicks anyways.

“What are you doing you fucking shit heads?! Let me go!” Levi yells as he’s being carried out of the mall, straining to get out of these asshole’s grips.

They really can’t hold him down forever, so they call an uber driver. Armin sits in the front, and in the middle seats, Erwin sits on the left, Levi in the middle and Eren on his right. Hange sits in the very back.

“So, where are we heading?” The uber driver says with a smile, and Armin gives him an address. Armin and the driver talk and laugh and Levi thinks it over.

The whole carrying him out of the store was unnecessary. They could’ve gotten into the car and fooled Levi but they didn’t.

Levi just sits, annoyed, pissed off.

Once they pull up, Erwin has to drag Levi out of the car and into the building, and Levi would dig his shoes into the ground or something but he’s already tired from earlier.

The group chats, and when the person comes out to call Levi in, Eren stands up and hauls Levi up with him.

“You can’t just make these decisions for me this is bullshit.” Levi grumbles.

Eren pulls Levi into the therapists room, and the woman sits down at her desk, says with a smile “Im Petra, your therapist. Shall we get started?”

“Actually, can you give me a couple moments alone with him, please?” Eren asks and Petra says that’s not usually how she goes but she guesses that she can let it slip this one time.

She gets up and leaves, so it’s just Levi and Eren sitting down.

“Levi?” Eren asks, facing Levi on the white couch and looking at him with concerned eyes. “Don’t give me those eyes you piece of shit, you dragged me here along with them, you don’t get to be concerned.” Levi says coldly and looks off to the side.

“Listen, all you have to do is tell her how you’re feeling and stuff. Im just concerned for you Levi and I don’t want..” Eren trails off, then starts again “I don’t want to lose you, okay?” he whispers the last part like it’s a secret.

“You’re such a fucking hypocrite. What about you, huh? The whole reason we met was because you were depressed and you were gonna end your life.” Levi says, guarded with skyscraper walls he put up when the group attacked him.

Eren just met him in this life but he’s known him for so much longer, and he knows how to tear down those walls.

“But this isn’t about me.”

Eren scoots closer to Levi on the couch and rests his forehead on Levi’s shoulder. “This is about you. I woke up at two something in the morning because Armin was calling me. So I answer and I’m all like “Hello?” and Armin is just freaking out on the other end of the line, saying how he fell, he this, he that. I was so tired and I wasn’t really paying attention until Armin says in a shaky but calm voice that you’re dead. “Levi’s dead, Eren.”

Im fully awake at that and it felt like my heart was being stabbed, so while Armin still on the phone with me fucking giving me details, I start texting you, thinking its all a joke. But the more I listen to Armin the more it sounds real and you’re not replying, so I start crying. Armin asked me later on if I was okay because my sobs sounded like I was in immense pain, Armin said it sounded like _I_ was dying.” Eren pauses for a couple of moment and Levi wants to cry.

“I didn’t go into work, I didn’t eat. Mikasa had to break my door and force feed me. It was the worst I’ve ever felt, and I never want to feel that way again. She wouldn’t drive me over, she wouldn’t let me drive either, but I finally convinced her to and when I told Armin I was there, he gave me directions to your guy’s apartment, and I was so tired so the first thing I did was go sleep in your bed, despite sleeping the majority of the past days. When I woke up, Armin and Erwin and Hange all hugged me and Hange was all smiling, so I said “Why are you so happy?”

She basically yelled that you were in the hospital, alive. I made them drive me over there and I saw you and I cried and I wouldn’t stop touching you because holy shit you’re actually alive and I couldn’t believe it. Im so sick of crying but I cried anyways and then you fucking showed up at three in the morning and I couldn’t help it. I cried.” Eren says, voice thick.

“I don’t want to lose you, Levi. I really fucking don’t. Neither does Armin, or Hange, or Erwin, or anybody else. Im not a therapist, I can’t help you, not really, so please talk to Petra, just this once, and if you positively don’t want to do it afterwards, then you don’t have to, okay?” Eren says and he’s on the brink of tears, honestly. Just thinking about Levi dying..

“Are we all done?” A light voice says from the other side of the door, knocks. Eren sniffs and lifts his head up, rubs his eyes to get rid of any tears. The sight makes Levi’s heart clench.

“Yeah” Eren calls out, kisses Levi’s cheek and stands up, walks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anybody is struggling with depression or anything, I'm here for you guys. I'm not on here a lot, but I'm on instagram a lot, my instagram is levi.http and any of you can talk to me there


	16. FIN

When Levi is released from Hell (it wasn’t that bad, really. Petra was easy to talk to, and he feels like he’s met her before) there’s only Eren sitting in the wait room.

“Oi, where’s the other assholes?” Levi asks when he approaches Eren, nudges him.

Eren rubs his eyes and sits up, yawns. “Hange was getting restless and I said you probably don’t want to see them right now anyways, so they left.” 

“And what makes you think I want to see you?” Levi asks as Eren gets up and they walk outside.

“If you didn’t, then you wouldn’t have woken me up” Eren says, beaming at him. “I meant before, dick.”

Eren just shrugs as they walk down the road (where are they even going?) and says “You let me sit next to you and tell you what happened, let me kiss your cheek. I figured if you were really mad at me you would have kicked me in the face or punch me. But you didn’t.”

“Im not that violent” Levi says, and Eren just stares at him with an eyebrow raised, “In our past life you beat the shit out of me in front of the regiment corps and everyone else, and had no problem kneeing me in the stomach when I told you how I felt about you” Eren deadpans.

“Humanity’s Strongest and Humanity’s Shortest, kicking people in the kidney because that’s as high as he can reach.” Eren jokes, and before he knows it he’s getting a foot to the stomach.

“I’ll strangle you”

“Can you even reach?”

 ฅ(๑*д*๑)ฅ!! 

They decide to go Levi’s apartment, and nobody’s there so Levi assumes the asshats won’t be home for a little while.

Eren’s pouting because he’s sporting a bruise on the back of his head and his stomach hurts, but Levi takes no quips about his height so he thinks the brat deserves it. Sort of.

Levi goes and gets an ice pack from the freezer anyways and goes and sits down on the couch next to Eren, sideways, and pulls Eren down between his legs. He puts the ice pack on his chest and makes Erens head lie on it, and then he starts rubbing Erens stomach as they watch TV because despite being an aggressive and cold asshole, he cares about Eren.

A lot.

Sue him.

“Was all of that true?” Levi asks awhile later, breaking the comfortable silence they’ve been in.

“Of course it was. I think my eyes wanted me to rip them out at some point.” Eren replies after a moment, sleepy and warm (despite the cold pack) and content. “If you don’t believe me, you could always ask Armin.”

“No, I believe you.” Levi says, but he kind of doesn’t. Can’t believe that Eren would care so much, despite all the proof that’s been put in front of him. “We all care about you. Hange admitted to me that she drank two whole bottles of vodka until she stopped crying the night that Armin got ahold of her number and told her what happened. Erwin hasn’t talked to me much since I’ve got here, but I’m pretty sure I woke up and heard him crying too.” Eren mumbles, takes the cold pack out from underneath his head and tosses it on the table.

“It’s not only me who cares, or Erwin or Hange. Even Mikasa who hates you for some reason, said to me before she drove off back to Corpus, that she was sorry. She said she cared. Cares.” Eren says and turns in Levi’s hold so he’s no longer on his back, but instead on his stomach. “And of course Armin cares. He tried saving your life and he was freaking out and, guess what, crying when he didn’t. You aren’t alone, Levi.” Eren says and he’s looking at Levi with those big honest eyes and Levi’s heart swells with love. With love for Eren, Armin, even Hange and Erwin.

He hugs Eren to his chest even though Eren is already there, a heavy weight that anchors him down. “I love you” Levi mumbles, lips pressed to the top of Erens head, returning the words that were sent to him in text.

Eren smiles, warm and content, presses his face to Levi’s chest and says “I love you.”

BONUS:

Levi and Eren eventually go to Levi’s room and Eren naps.

When Levi hears the door open and Hange talking, he gets up and walks out.

He doesn’t bother saying hi or anything, turns Hange around so she’s facing him, says “You’re an asshole” and hugs her, tightly.

Hange is pleasantly surprised. She’s never been hugged by Levi, and Levi never let’s Hange touch him so this is really fucking new, but she flings her arms around Levi and says “I love you too Levi!”

Levi pulls back after a moment and goes over to Erwin, looks up at Erwin, annoyed. “You’re a big asshole” Levi grumbles and the hug is a little awkward but it feels great. Of course it does. It leaves Erwin smiling.

When Levi pulls back and goes to Armin, the coconut (not really coconut anymore. he learned to do something else with his hair.) head looks scared, but all Levi says is “You’re an asshole” and hugs Armin.

The hug is shorter than Erwin’s and Hange’s but it’s nothing personal. “If you ever touch me again or force me to do something I don’t want to do, I will cut off all of your limbs” Levi threatens the three as he stalks back to his room, but really, he feels better.

He’s grateful for the people in his life, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so we finally end it.


End file.
